


What's Left To Say?

by LovableCynic



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Adorable scientists in love, Angst, Drift Effects, Drifting, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Breach, TW: implied domestic abuse, Teen only for language & implied bad past childhoods/relationships, briefly implied, how fun, implied minor ableism, with crappy childhoods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 12:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1940547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovableCynic/pseuds/LovableCynic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Hermann and Newton drift together, they may save the world, but they wind up with far more of each other's emotional baggage than they bargained for.</p><p>And, that's okay. Because they learn more than they could have ever wanted, and then some.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's Left To Say?

**Author's Note:**

> In case it isn't obvious, the italics are drifting thoughts or ghost-drifting thoughts, and the pattern until the ghost-drifting is alternating between Newt & Hermann's memories. More notes at end.

Newt nodded, and clasped Hermann's hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze when he saw the fear buried in his eyes, felt it racing in his pulse.

 

"Ready?"

"Yes."

 

3

2

1

.

.

.

 

.

.

 

.

 

_"Oh, Lord- Newton, you better put that back outside, bugs don't belong in the house."_

_"Hermann, you aren't going to be an astronaut! Math and chemistry- those are important sciences. It takes no skill to rocket off in the sky, you'll be the one programming the damn shuttles."_

_"Sweetie, we talked about this... Mommy's... not here."_

_"Son, I know he's harsh, but..."_

_"Jeez, this is college, not daycare, how the hell did you get into here?"_

_"Sir, I'm sorry, but it... it doesn't seem you will be able to complete pilot training."_

_"Look, babe, stop crying already, just get over it..."_

_"Oh, she... she didn't tell me about your leg... No, no, let's just go anyway."_

_"No, no you can't complete your dissertation on this subject it's- yes, I know it's your sixth..."_

_"Well, we don't know for sure, but we could use your help in programming... Oh, piloting? Well..."_

_"Why the hell did you get that on your skin? I oughta..."_

_"Oh, so right after the wedding you're going off halfway around the world? Why won't you bring me with you if it's so safe?"_

_"Stop pouting about the budget cuts, freak. It's not like Kaiju DNA sequencing is gonna help stop this shit."_

_"Sweetie, I... I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore."_

_"Wait, please, just-"_

_"Goodbye."_

_..._

_"Hey, Herms, why the long- oh. Oh shit, man, I-"_

_"Just leave!"_

 

_"Newton Geiszler?"_

_"Yeah, that's.. me."_

_"Sir, you might want to sit down. It's about your uncle's diagnosis."_

_..._

_"Geiszler! Why in the Hell did you punch the wall?! It'll take maintenance... forever... Oh, Newton."_

_"Godamned Kaiju groupie, why'd he leave all his equipment-"_

_._

_"Newton!"_

_No please Oh Lord no, you bastard don't be dead, don't be dead you can't be dead yet I-_

_"Oh, thank God it's finally-"_

_AggghHhhh not dead not dead Kaiju running run run hide shitshitshitshit no please Heramannhelphelphelp no please no_

_Not now_

 

Hermann gasped for air when they ended the drift, his knees going weak and head reeling. Newt panted and watched as Hermann heaved nearby. Under normal circumstances, he would have gone to hand him his cane and rub his back.

 

Under normal circumstances, he would have hugged him.

Under normal circumstances, he would have told him everything.

Under normal circumstances, he would be crying right now.

 

But Kaiju thoughts raced through his head fast enough to tear him apart. Hermann hobbled closer, and Newt walked over to him, returning his cane and clapping his shoulder.

They looked each other in the eye, determined, panicked, and on the brink of realization.

 

 

"The plan!"

 

"It won't work!"

 

 

But now, after the frantic moments spent yelling and praying and tapping screens and buttons and displays, now after the clock had been reset, now, in the midst of a strange and sobering mixture of melancholy and victory, mourning and rejoice, now they could only see each other's thoughts- no, lives. 

 

Newton knew exactly where to find him once he realized Hermann had slipped away from the control room while his back was turned. He entered the labs, which were eerily devoid of sound, even for a 'good' day.

 

Hermann sat on the edge of his desk, gripping his cane hard enough to turn his knuckles white. Chalk scattered the floor, broken into pieces and shards of dust. His eraser was upturned on the opposite side of the room. His beautiful, delicately drawn and carefully organized equations were now mere smears of ivory on black. When Newt carefully stood beside him and placed his hand on his good knee, he could see tear streaks on Hermann's tired face, and it was only then he felt warmth rolling down his own cheeks.

 

"We did it."

"It's over."

 

They spoke at the same time, startling each other. Newt looked in Hermann's eyes, frightened by the pain he saw there. He blinked to try and forget, but-

 

_"Father, I just think-"_

_"This is not your place, Hermann."_

_"I just need to feel like I'm a bigger priority in your life, alright?"_

_"I'm... I'm trying, Nessa."_

_"I told you, I hate that name."_

_"Yes, right... sorry."_

_"Wait, you mean... you actually care about math that much? Like it's important but-"_

_"But what, Geiszler?"_

_"Heh, you pretty much ARE an old man. How'd I get stuck with you?"_

_How can you be so different from the man in the letters? The one I thought I l-_

-but that just made it worse, wrenching his heart. Of course, Hermann had his own slew of borrowed memories, swarming behind his eyes, threatening to break a new wave of tears.

_"Hey! Nice ink, it looks like the work of this guy I-"_

_"Not interested, weirdo."_

_"Al-alrighty then."_

_"Oh Christ, I went to your stupid presentation- which went on forever, man- now can we just-"_

_"I-I know what I said, but... I just don't feel- no, please! I mean it, I just. Don't, please."_

_"Hey man! We're gonna be working together, isn't that-"_

_"Awful, yes, I know."_

_"...still?"_

_I thought... I thought we could... Fix this. Maybe I'll never know the guy I wrote to again..._

 

There was so much they knew now, and yet so much left unsaid. Newt cupped Hermann's jaw and brushed his thumb over the tears and residual blood from his face. Hermann's breath became shakier- whether from the touch or the sobbing he didn't know. When Newton leant close, and pressed his lips to Hermann's, he returned the kiss, softly, gently. It was un-rushed and slow, yet every ounce as passionate as any other. They stayed there for hours, ignoring the triumphant celebrating upstairs. They now had all the time they could ask for, time they had helped buy.

 

They could talk about it later.   

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Boy, that was angsty...
> 
> Just to explain my headcanons:  
> Newt, in the DVD extras I believe, is stated as having: "Relationship status: anyone who will take him" which is sad and adorable, but then I realized it meant he was probably likely to end up in bad relationships, and that explained a bit, and I've seen it in other fics since then. :(  
> The others are a mixture of artistic license and a hunch.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and let me know if there are any typos- I did write this on my phone on an airplane so... :)


End file.
